For five years, Joan Berger Bachman and her 92-year-old mother, Eileen Opatz Berger teamed up to write,If Only You Would Ask, A Guide to Spending Quality Conversation with the Elderly. This easy-to- use book is a conversational resource, a manual and a tool for all those who struggle to carry on meaningful, enjoyable conversations. How did this book come about?
Here’s Joan’s Story:
When my father-in-law Bill was nearing the end of his life, I would visit him quite regularly. He had made the decision to stay in his own home until the end. Winters in Minnesota are long, cold and lonely, especially for someone who is afraid and/or unable to venture out. Being the dutiful daughter-in-law that I was, I felt compelled to make the 100-mile drive from Rochester to St. Paul to visit him. We would sit at his kitchen table, and I would tell him about what the kids were up to… and what I had been doing. His major topic of conversation was the rabbits he saw as he stared for hours out the back window of his house.
During this time, I shared with my mother how difficult visits with Bill were becoming. He had so little to share, and I wondered if the visits even mattered. Continue reading →
After many long months of exhaustive family struggles, cognitive and behavior changes, and a lengthy process of medical evaluations and tests, my dad, Buddy, received the devastating diagnosis of Frontotemporal Lobe Dementia (FTD). It was Valentine’s Day, 2013. FTD is a rare neurological disease that affects personality and social behavior, speech and language comprehension, and executive functions involved in reasoning, decision-making, and planning. Never to be outdone, my mom, Maureen, always the fierce competitor, was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer only four months later.
That year, my best friend’s parents died in a terrible plane crash and that sudden tragedy struck me in such a profound way. “I am going to lose my mother and my father,” I remember thinking, “but I still have time.” I don’t know which is worse: losing parents instantly or watching them slowly deteriorate, but I knew I wouldn’t squander the chance to say goodbye.
Dad was a natural storyteller, and through that he became my favorite story to tell. He was my hero. The highest compliment I can give of my dad was he had a son that idolized him. Everything he loved I was determined to love just as much or more: Bob Dylan, Lenny Bruce, Marlon Brando, absurdist theater, and the San Francisco 49ers. But dementia made him quiet and apathetic; he no longer expressed an interest in the things we used to do together. Continue reading →
I’m proud and thrilled to announce that one of my stories was recently published in the new Chicken Soup for the Soul “Mom Knows Best.” It’s one of 101 heartfelt stories about life, love, and… moms. The story, “Mom’s Unexpected Birthday Guest,” was inspired by my mom on the occasion of her 90th birthday party.
Mom loved birthday parties, especially her own, no matter how big or how small. The 90th was a big one, but, unfortunately, Mom had broken her hip and was laid up in rehab. We had to improvise to celebrate her special day, but in doing so something wonderful happened that made all the difference. Continue reading →
AlzAuthors is thrilled to join a new cruise and conference designed for those living with early-stage Alzheimer’s, their caregivers, and their loved ones. The AlzAuthors Inspiration Collection:Extraordinary Books about Alzheimer’s and Dementia will sail to the Caribbean April 6-13 during the inaugural Connecting Circles of Care and Building Bridges of Hope℠ Cruise & Conference, an empowering 7-day retreat experience that offers respite and education.
“Our cruise and conference provide an opportunity for attendees to benefit from a wide range of programming created for their complex and stressful lives,” says Lisa Marie Chirico, Dementia Caregiver Cruise and Conference Producer. “Additionally, the tropical wonders and beauty of the Caribbean offer healing for both the body and the spirit, so it’s a perfect pairing.” Chirico was a full-time caregiver for her father, who had Alzheimer’s disease, and is passionate about supporting dementia caregivers and their families. She currently works as a Nursing Home Navigator Coach for clients experiencing long-term care at Nursinghomeology.com. Continue reading →